Ah Phooey is not the name of a Chinese relative of mine.J

No, it?s an expression of the frustration I?m having trying to be a properly toasted Toastmaster, one that is not overly burnt. It?s also a reason to incorporate "vocal variety"( said like an ad) J .

What got to me after my last speech was when Kat said, " "you had 10 "ah?s" and I just gave up counting after that" (said sarcastically by me but not her). I decided to say "ah phooey" to it all and get back at you with "vocal variety" (said like an ad)J .

I couldn?t believe I said more than 10 "ah?s" when I only remember saying one. It?s enough to make a psychiatrist paranoid thinking that you all got together and conspired with the ah counter to humiliate meJ Well, just trust me, I took care of the ahcounter today so it?ll all work out. J (wink at ah counter and give the thumbs-up sign).

But you see, if you only got to know me better, you?d be able to understand why I say "ah" so much. I?ve been doing "ah?s" for a long time.

When I was a little one, barely walking, I?d go, "ah, ah, ah" (baby talk). That later evolved to "mama" and "dada".J Do you think I wanted to say "ah"? Blame it on my parents!

Later on I was taught to say more "ah?s" because, you see, "ah" is an honorific expression in the Chinese culture. You say "ahpo", for your paternal grandmother, "ahgoong" for your paternal grandfather. You haoles got to learn to use "ahsuk". "Ahsuk" means literally "uncle" but it?s a generic expression like "sir". "Ahsuk, can you bring me more fried wontons?" "Ah" is also used when calling people?s names. My Chinese name is Ew Ming. You can call me "ahming". I could call you "ah (name the members in the audience)". You see I don?t really deserve my "ah?s" to be counted because it?s a cultural thing; I?m just being respectful J .

Then when I went to college and got into the Eastern philosophy trip, I got into "ah?s" with "ahso". This is a Japanese expression from the full expression "Ah so desu ka". It?s like "I see" or "So it is". I learned to use "ahso" was from the self-proclaimed guru Baba Ram Dass. He encouraged people to cultivate a nonjudgmental frame of mind. When you are confronted with any situation, you just respond inside yourself with "ahso". This keeps you centered and you can retain your equanimity. It didn?t matter if you had something good or bad happened to you; in either case, you still respond with "ahso". If you won, the lottery, you say "ahso". If your car got smashed, you say "ahso". I got quite good at it. When somebody ripped me off, I?d say "ahso, you ahso".J

In spite of these justifications for using "ah?s", I learned some important lessons from my last speech. "Ah" is a way for me to deal with my anxiety. It?s relaxing when you are nervously groping for words. Looking at my "ah?s" helped me look at my anxiety while speaking.

A couple people said I was nervous last time when I didn?t even notice it. I feel it (or don?t feel) it now. I did feel my shirt being wet when I sat down last time and so I knew I was perspiring from anxiety, but I guess I was so involved in the delivery I didn?t notice my anxiety or my ah?s.

In trying to deal with my anxiety now, I ask myself "What have I really got to be afraid of anyway? I?m an MD, and I?m supposed to act like a God J What?s wrong with me? What can you really do to me up here? I want you to be critical of me anyway, so I can be a better speaker. I?ve really got to take hold of the moment and change that adrenaline into excitement about what I?m talking about. I?m really excited about vocal variety and talking about "ah?s" (whole sentence said monotonously). Can?t you see? (with expression) J

What inspired me to deal with my anxiety without "ah?s" occurred when I was watching an E TV biographical special on Phyllis Diller. You know, Miss Ha-ha-ha-ha. She recalled being so nervous that the acid from her sweat ate the leather linings of her boots. She also remembered almost fainting at one particular debut. But she did make it eventually?.Maybe I will also, someday, in spite of my nervousness and without any "ah?s".

So much for this awful (ah-full) stuff. I suppose if I want to be a great Toastmaster I must realize "ah?s" and "ums" are a lost art, forever to be extinct. I just need to bullshit real good to make you think that I?m not nervous at all. J

I?m going to miss my "ah?s" and "ums", and I say "ah phooey" to that, but maybe I?ll be a better speaker for it. .ah, who know?s??..Oh, I know, I just need to remember "vocal variety" (like ad)J

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